I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I touched a dick in church today
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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