I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My dick has a subreddit
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
