I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
