Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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