I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
