his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
