over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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