i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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