I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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