that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
