My Higher Power is John Stamos
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
