So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
