My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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