i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize