take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
