my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
