oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
