Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
His nipple licking is glorious
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