That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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