I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
