How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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