Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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