Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
