I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
