I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
