just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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