your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
