I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
