She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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