I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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