Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
