you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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