I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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