Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
