you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
