No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
