I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize