His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
