My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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