i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
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