we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
