I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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