were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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