im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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