I got chris browned last night
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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