got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
