So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
