i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
