drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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