Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
