So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
