All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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