Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
