I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize