and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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