Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
