i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
