yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
