i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
