girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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