3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
