He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My vagina is officially offended.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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