How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
