i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
