Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize