you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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