The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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