I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
