of course. lets lasso hookers.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
