Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Randomize
