It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
