Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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