I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
