She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
