then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
