I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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