You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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