good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
