Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
