Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i will never coherently bang her
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Randomize
