those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
