Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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