I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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