I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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