party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
