Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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