before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
