i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize