so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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