This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
