you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
