it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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