will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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