Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
