Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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