Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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