I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
