i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Drake has all the answers
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
