my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
