I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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