i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
