I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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