I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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