Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
being pregnant is like rehab
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
