do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
