so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize