Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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