good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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