Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
third nipple confirmed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
