last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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