i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
