Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
