Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
