I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
How does one acquire holy water?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
