I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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