So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
