Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
