the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
