so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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