Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
