it hurts more in the daytime
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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