Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
