I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
