I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bring me that man meat
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize