I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
